My Diary & Experiences,  Others

Crying Behind A Smile : It’s My 23th

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I don’t really know what am I doing right now
It’s 2 p.m and I’m still awake
I just wanna cry and take this out of my head
Youth anxiety
Future doubt
An Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Sorrow
Ah..even if I fight for this
I still feel like I’m nothing

It’s my 23
None notice me
None know me
None smile at me
None stop walking just to look at me behind

It’s not enough
I can’t close this eyes easily
Am I doing a right thing ?
I’m afraid of my own decision

Ah suddenly he just come
Someone I know a lot
and someone who never know I’m alive

He told me then
About how a dream can catch your hand even if you throw it away
He make me realized (again)
What’s my life purpose ?

It feels like I’m going to be crazy
Something is wrong here
In my head, in my heart
How ? How I fix my life story ?

I remember when I told my mom
I beg her
I told her
I wanna go
From here
From Indonesia
I wanna be dissapear

I know, she don’t wanna let me go
I know, she miss me
I know, she’s afraid
Same with me, 
Who always hoarse from an uncertain future and worries

A few people told me,
Enough !
You’re the best
Ah you’re so lucky

No, I’m not that person
I’m just a lonely girl that you’ve never know
I’m crying in silence
Yes you will never know

It’s my 23
but..I’m useless

Again, none notice me..know me..
I’m a loser mom, dear..
I’m so sorry

Ah he told me again,
Move now
Go on
Don’t stay long
Just do

Then I said ok to the sky

Dev –

 

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